u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
