there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
