Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize