I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
