Please, let me fuck your mom
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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