So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize