This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
