i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
