just survived the first fart of the relationship.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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