Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just had sex on a roof
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
