weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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