these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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