How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
