Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
