so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
