She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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