And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
