I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
