The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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