I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Houston, we have a squirter
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
