Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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