defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
