I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize