My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize