I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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