dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
