So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
