if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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