sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
