i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
