so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just pee around me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
