I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
