I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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