I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
