I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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