dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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