I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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