Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
