Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
