You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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