I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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