i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize