Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
