Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize