I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
