I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am available for nakedness
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
