I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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