his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
