did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
