Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
