The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
