I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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