i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
