Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
