The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
