listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
